Monthly Thought/// February 2019

Hello, I hope everyone is having a great Wednesday so far. Today’s post will be bringing up a series I tried to have on my blog last year (however was only for May of 2018). Anyways, moving forward throughout the year I will be doing a series on my blog called “Monthly Thought”, each month I will be posting a blog entry of what’s on my mind currently or something that I feel needs to talked about. This will be a way to express myself through words and connect with my audience. Through these “Monthly Thought” posts, I will be conveying my vulnerable side in my writing, that typically does not get shared often.

Lately, I have been having this insane amount of gratitude in life. I have came to the realization that things in life are not as always complex as they seem to be. As the state that I am currently in, I can say that I am no longer feeling hopeless as I used to be, and now when I look for happiness I look for it in the smallest of things that I appreciate. I used to believe happiness derived from a person (whether that be a S.O, friend, or parent, etc.), a specific thing, or even a job. However, I find that happiness is something that comes from within and although it is not necessarily the actual feeling of happiness, it is the feeling of content and/or satisfaction. I used to suffer from severe depression, to the point where it affected my life through my relationships with others, my academics, and even my relationship with myself. It has been a long time since I have felt true happiness, and although there has not been many, I am incredibly grateful for the happy moments I did have. Occasionally, I feel depressed or I have a few weeks randomly where depression decides to creep up on me, and although it sucks, it is an improvement from the past. I cannot say that I am happy or in other words completely content, but at least I am no longer sad. Slowly, but surely I am making progress to my well-being and through practicing gratitude, I am able to appreciate more in life. A question I want all of you to ask yourselves, how content are you with your life currently, and are you incorporating gratitude into your life?

This was a very random thought, but it is something I wanted to get off of my chest and talk about. I hope in someway this post gave you insight or gave you a new perspective to look at. I promise next week’s post will be much more lighthearted.

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sending you all good vibes, ariana. ♡

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A Reflection of the Past Few Years///What 2019 will be for me.

Hello everyone who is reading this, if you are a follower on my blog then you would know that I have not posted in nearly five months, and I very much apologize. I began college and had a lot of change in my life and sort of forgot to keep up with my blog. However, I most definitely will pick up blogging again for the new year, so I hope you can stay tuned for some exciting content to come.

Anyways, for this post I will be giving a run down on what the past few years each represented for me. It’s unbelievably crazy how quick time goes by, 2018 was a legit roller coaster. However, this gave me insight on a reflection over the past few years and what I am looking for in 2019.

2016 was a year of realization

By the end of this year, I had come to the realization that I was severely unhappy and suffering from a lot of internal pain that I kept from people for years. Also the election was something that made me realize this country’s climate, but it also helped me realized what I wanted to stand for and what I was passionate about.

2017 was a year of pain.

That year was probably the toughest year of my life, I was battling internal demons that no one had a clue about. Things were going on in my life that made it difficult to change. I was afraid of change so I lived through that pain. There were multiple points throughout 2017 where I could not see myself here anymore, life was tough and unbearable, but I received help at the end of the year that made my life much better than it was before.

2018 was a year of change and growth.

The person I was who started off this year, was very anxious, lonely, and timid. The year started out very rough, I cut contact with almost everyone. I isolated myself for months. However, I also endured a big change this year when I started college, created this blog, and opened myself up to more people. It sure was nerve-racking, but I made it through. I did not think I was going to be able to handle it, but I did. I stepped outside my comfort zone and made progress. I am so grateful for the change, and how different my life is compared to one year ago today. I have met so many amazing people along the way, I have partaken in many experiences, and most of all I started to appreciate the things in life that I used to take for granted. The person I am now is not the girl from the beginning of 2018, she’s different, and although I may still be anxious and reserved at times, I have shown a great amount of courage and I can now honestly say that I’m courageous.

2019 will be my year of strength.

I will show and prove to my self my resilience of the past few years. It is going to be the year in my life where I learn to self grow and accept myself. I will prove to myself how strong I really am. I will find myself in ways that evoke my strengths and bring out the best of me.

peace.2018.
“peace 2018, thanks for preparing me for 2019”.

I hope you all enjoyed this read, I wish you all a happy new year filled with love and joy! I look forward to posting more on my blog in the new year.

talk to you soon, ariana. ♡

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17 Things I learned at 17

Hello everyone, it’s been awhile since my last post, I went on vacation last week and I’ve also been getting ready for college, I finally move in this weekend. It seems like everything is happening so fast, I’m excited but also nervous. Anyways, today is my 18th birthday and I decided to do a post that would make me reflect on my year of being seventeen. Most of these are very personal and I decided to write this for me in my journal, however I thought it would be nice to share with you all, everything I learned this past year.

I learned that/to….. 

  1. My mental health comes first. I think that during my senior year is when I finally realized that my mental health is valid. I had such a difficult year mentally and I realized that my mental health is just as important as my physical health.
  2. If I have the opportunity to fix something, then I should do it as soon as possible. I learned this the hard way, but there were so many times when I could change something, but all I did was fear “what if’s” my mind and wasted time.
  3. Challenge my avoidance. My anxiety has been the worse it’s ever been this past year, from the start of senior year until as recently as a few weeks ago. There were so many, many events that I unfortunately avoided, because I was so afraid and because of that, I will never have memories of those events in my life.
  4. To deal through uncomfortable situations. Of course no one wants to feel uncomfortable, however the feeling is impossible to flee. I had lots of practice, sitting with those uncomfortable feelings, giving myself that exposure. I’ve also learned ways to cope with it and make it better.
  5. Take chances on first-time opportunities. On a more positive note, there were few very memorable occasions I took apart of. My fear almost got the best of me, but I took those chances and did not regret one of them.
  6. Get out of the house and do something for yourself. During the winter months, I felt so alone and isolated, I stayed home pretty much everyday secluded from everything, except my appointments. Maybe what I really needed was just some time outside of the house even if I was just solo.
  7. The library is a sacred and underrated place. This ones a little different, but this was the one place I always felt safe whether it be at school or my public library. During the school year, whenever I didn’t have classes, I would go to the library and sit in the back, next to window and daze off sometimes, looking into the gloomy sky. I felt okay there, and sometimes if you just need sometime to be by yourself, the library is the right spot, to tune everything out.
  8. Gratitude practices make a difference. This year I was challenged with practicing gratitude by my therapist. At first I thought to myself, “this is useless”, however it was far from the truth. The more I began to practice this skill, the more I realized how much more appreciative it made me of everything. (I highly recommend everyone trying some different gratitude practices).
  9. It’s okay to just sit and cry. I accepted that sometimes crying is needed, everything feels better once you cry. Crying is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength.
  10. Living outside of your comfort zone is probably one of the best things. I unfortunately probably was in a cave most of the time (metaphorically speaking), but those very limited times when I got out of my shell, were the absolute best. Hopefully that’s a goal that I stride for more when I’m 18.
  11. Challenging yourself is a great way for you to grow as a person. Any challenge that you give to yourself, will shape you into the person you are looking to become. Set the bar up high and challenge yourself.
  12. If people are there for you, then open up to them. There were a few people in my life, that were there for me when I needed them, and I just couldn’t express what I was feeling or going through, but if I could go back and change that I most definitely would.
  13. Write, Write, & Write. Release your endless emotions: write them down, journal, blog, or just type them in your phone. Creating my blog was one of the best things I’ve ever done and it gave me this outlet to express everything I am passionate about and to have the freedom to write about anything on my mind.
  14. If you feel that your struggling mentally, seek a therapist or talk to a counselor/social worker. I finally started seeing a therapist a little bit after I turned 17. As well as, last year at school, I finally reached out to my school social worker, and I realized that it’s okay to just go and see them. Sometimes you need a break from your class and need to talk to someone who understands what you may be feeling. Thankfully I had an amazing guidance counselor and social worker at my school, that I was able to see throughout the day.
  15. My mom is always there for me. Yes, my mom was probably always there for me, but this last year was unlike any other year. After all that I went through, I had to say that everything impacted her in various ways. Most of all, she helped me finish school when I lost motivation and continued to help me with any of my needs.
  16. Sometimes it’s the most simplest things that feed the soul. It may be just hearing the waves clash on the shore, or that bite into your favorite meal, or maybe feeling the warmth of the sun against your skin. Be mindful during these sensations and remember them.
  17. I’m still finding who I am and want to become. I saved this one for last because this is something I constantly think about. I’m often confused about life, and although life is a journey about self-discovery, I know that through time I will find myself and know who I am.

Thank you all for reading, I hope you enjoyed this very sentimental post.  If you enjoyed this post then do not forget to like it and please subscribe with your email in the sidebar, to be notified of new posts through your email, (be sure to confirm subscription in email). Also make sure to follow me on my social media pages down below, I will follow back all other fellow bloggers!

talk to you soon, ariana. ♡

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