what’s been on my mind/// june 14th, 2019

hi all, it has been a hot minute since my last blog post, and that is simply because i became very busy at college with my classes and extra-curriculars, however i am now on my summer break and i will be posting a lot more onto my blog this summer and hopefully following up through the school year. during the time that i have been absent from my blog, i have started writing more personally, about my feelings, experiences, people, and some poetry. and i find it extremely therapeutic to write about these topics because it gives me a sense of peace, and throughout the summer i hope to change my blog a bit by writing more thoughtful, personable, and vulnerable posts. i want my blog to be my source of sharing my intimate writing with the world and hopefully others are inspired or can gain insight from my writing. i will soon be writing a post on the experiences of my first year at college, and hopefully do a college mini series on my blog to help those going into college as well.

anyways let’s get onto what is really been on my mind lately, it’s vulnerable and a bit nerve-racking to share this with others.

“people have been asking me if i am okay, sometimes i don’t know what to tell them. do i tell them the same lie i’m used to spitting out at people? or do i tell them the rotten truth… because if you want to hear the truth then, the truth is; i am far from okay, i am so unhappy with my life right now.

i ask myself, what am i doing for myself? and i think when i ponder on that question, i avoid it as much as possible because i am really not doing anything good for myself, especially in my current well-being state. and the reason why i say current well-being is because i am hurting so much right now, in pain that i was not experiencing before, that pain is from a heartbreak. i’ve been feeling shitty for a few weeks, not enjoying some of my hobbies and other daily activities, experiencing a war in my mind with the chaos of emotions i’m going through.

i feel as if i am trying to fill this void in my life to cover the open wounds. but what i really need is to heal… i’m leaving the wounds exposed, increasing my suffering. not because i want to, but because it’s what i know, and it’s a temporary fix even though the choices i’m making are not the best for my well-being.

i know that i need to change that if i want to feel better. if only you knew how hard this is, to do things that i am not ready to do yet. however, if i want to better my life then i’ll need to take these challenging actions so my suffering can decrease…”

this was just a mindful thought-to-thought post of my current emotions, thank you for the read.

sending you all good vibes, ariana. ♡

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goodbye high school/// a short diary

Hi everyone, I am finally back from my short break, I really needed it and I’m glad I took it, because now I feel ready to blog again. Anyways, today’s post will be another personal and short diary entry about the end of high school for me. This is a bit different than the other posts I have blogged about before, but I’m happy with the way it turned out.

Goodbye High School…

“From there on, it all became bittersweet. I acted like there was not a care in the world, however in reality I was far from it. Mixed emotions ran through my blood, I had no idea how to feel. I should be glad that I was out of the place that I called hell for two years. However, something about today was different that made me miss something that was no longer in my life. I’m not sure if it was those empty hallways, or the staff that was there, or even the fresh school scent that hit me as soon as I walked through the front doors. Once I received my diploma, of course I was happy that I had finally graduated high school and was finally done with this place forever. However, in a way I also felt somewhat sentimental saying goodbye to this place, I mean, even though not much came out positive from high school, I still wouldn’t of met some of my favorite teachers or my counselor, or even some friends who changed my life at the time. But from that moment on, I felt ready to let go of all the anger and hurt I had been feeling for so long, and when I did, there was this sense of closure I felt after. The moment I stepped through the doors, I said my goodbyes to this place; letting go of the past and stepping into the next chapter of my life.”


Souvenir//Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark.

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much love, ariana. 

Check out my last post: What I received in my Ipsy Glam Bag/// May 2018
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