personal – Life with Ariana

what’s been on my mind/// june 14th, 2019

June 14, 2019June 14, 2019Personal Talks ♡, what's on my mind...1 Comment

hi all, it has been a hot minute since my last blog post, and that is simply because i became very busy at college with my classes and extra-curriculars, however i am now on my summer break and i will be posting a lot more onto my blog this summer and hopefully following up through the school year. during the time that i have been absent from my blog, i have started writing more personally, about my feelings, experiences, people, and some poetry. and i find it extremely therapeutic to write about these topics because it gives me a sense of peace, and throughout the summer i hope to change my blog a bit by writing more thoughtful, personable, and vulnerable posts. i want my blog to be my source of sharing my intimate writing with the world and hopefully others are inspired or can gain insight from my writing. i will soon be writing a post on the experiences of my first year at college, and hopefully do a college mini series on my blog to help those going into college as well.

anyways let’s get onto what is really been on my mind lately, it’s vulnerable and a bit nerve-racking to share this with others.

“people have been asking me if i am okay, sometimes i don’t know what to tell them. do i tell them the same lie i’m used to spitting out at people? or do i tell them the rotten truth… because if you want to hear the truth then, the truth is; i am far from okay, i am so unhappy with my life right now.

i ask myself, what am i doing for myself? and i think when i ponder on that question, i avoid it as much as possible because i am really not doing anything good for myself, especially in my current well-being state. and the reason why i say current well-being is because i am hurting so much right now, in pain that i was not experiencing before, that pain is from a heartbreak. i’ve been feeling shitty for a few weeks, not enjoying some of my hobbies and other daily activities, experiencing a war in my mind with the chaos of emotions i’m going through.

i feel as if i am trying to fill this void in my life to cover the open wounds. but what i really need is to heal… i’m leaving the wounds exposed, increasing my suffering. not because i want to, but because it’s what i know, and it’s a temporary fix even though the choices i’m making are not the best for my well-being.

i know that i need to change that if i want to feel better. if only you knew how hard this is, to do things that i am not ready to do yet. however, if i want to better my life then i’ll need to take these challenging actions so my suffering can decrease…”

this was just a mindful thought-to-thought post of my current emotions, thank you for the read.

sending you all good vibes, ariana. ♡

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Monthly Thought/// February 2019

February 6, 2019February 6, 2019Monthly Thought, Personal Talks ♡Leave a Comment

Hello, I hope everyone is having a great Wednesday so far. Today’s post will be bringing up a series I tried to have on my blog last year (however was only for May of 2018). Anyways, moving forward throughout the year I will be doing a series on my blog called “Monthly Thought”, each month I will be posting a blog entry of what’s on my mind currently or something that I feel needs to talked about. This will be a way to express myself through words and connect with my audience. Through these “Monthly Thought” posts, I will be conveying my vulnerable side in my writing, that typically does not get shared often.

Lately, I have been having this insane amount of gratitude in life. I have came to the realization that things in life are not as always complex as they seem to be. As the state that I am currently in, I can say that I am no longer feeling hopeless as I used to be, and now when I look for happiness I look for it in the smallest of things that I appreciate. I used to believe happiness derived from a person (whether that be a S.O, friend, or parent, etc.), a specific thing, or even a job. However, I find that happiness is something that comes from within and although it is not necessarily the actual feeling of happiness, it is the feeling of content and/or satisfaction. I used to suffer from severe depression, to the point where it affected my life through my relationships with others, my academics, and even my relationship with myself. It has been a long time since I have felt true happiness, and although there has not been many, I am incredibly grateful for the happy moments I did have. Occasionally, I feel depressed or I have a few weeks randomly where depression decides to creep up on me, and although it sucks, it is an improvement from the past. I cannot say that I am happy or in other words completely content, but at least I am no longer sad. Slowly, but surely I am making progress to my well-being and through practicing gratitude, I am able to appreciate more in life. A question I want all of you to ask yourselves, how content are you with your life currently, and are you incorporating gratitude into your life?

This was a very random thought, but it is something I wanted to get off of my chest and talk about. I hope in someway this post gave you insight or gave you a new perspective to look at. I promise next week’s post will be much more lighthearted.

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sending you all good vibes, ariana. ♡

Check out my last post: Binge Worthy Netflix Shows YOU NEED TO WATCH// 2019

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A Reflection of the Past Few Years///What 2019 will be for me.

December 31, 2018December 31, 2018Lifestyle, Personal Talks ♡2 Comments

Hello everyone who is reading this, if you are a follower on my blog then you would know that I have not posted in nearly five months, and I very much apologize. I began college and had a lot of change in my life and sort of forgot to keep up with my blog. However, I most definitely will pick up blogging again for the new year, so I hope you can stay tuned for some exciting content to come.

Anyways, for this post I will be giving a run down on what the past few years each represented for me. It’s unbelievably crazy how quick time goes by, 2018 was a legit roller coaster. However, this gave me insight on a reflection over the past few years and what I am looking for in 2019.

2016 was a year of realization

By the end of this year, I had come to the realization that I was severely unhappy and suffering from a lot of internal pain that I kept from people for years. Also the election was something that made me realize this country’s climate, but it also helped me realized what I wanted to stand for and what I was passionate about.

2017 was a year of pain.

That year was probably the toughest year of my life, I was battling internal demons that no one had a clue about. Things were going on in my life that made it difficult to change. I was afraid of change so I lived through that pain. There were multiple points throughout 2017 where I could not see myself here anymore, life was tough and unbearable, but I received help at the end of the year that made my life much better than it was before.

2018 was a year of change and growth.

The person I was who started off this year, was very anxious, lonely, and timid. The year started out very rough, I cut contact with almost everyone. I isolated myself for months. However, I also endured a big change this year when I started college, created this blog, and opened myself up to more people. It sure was nerve-racking, but I made it through. I did not think I was going to be able to handle it, but I did. I stepped outside my comfort zone and made progress. I am so grateful for the change, and how different my life is compared to one year ago today. I have met so many amazing people along the way, I have partaken in many experiences, and most of all I started to appreciate the things in life that I used to take for granted. The person I am now is not the girl from the beginning of 2018, she’s different, and although I may still be anxious and reserved at times, I have shown a great amount of courage and I can now honestly say that I’m courageous.

2019 will be my year of strength.

I will show and prove to my self my resilience of the past few years. It is going to be the year in my life where I learn to self grow and accept myself. I will prove to myself how strong I really am. I will find myself in ways that evoke my strengths and bring out the best of me.

peace.2018. — “peace 2018, thanks for preparing me for 2019”.

I hope you all enjoyed this read, I wish you all a happy new year filled with love and joy! I look forward to posting more on my blog in the new year.

talk to you soon, ariana. ♡